Stayin inside the lines?

Staying inside the lines was something I was never good at. With coloring and with life. I was raised knowing that you graduate high school, go to college find a job and settle down – get married and start a family. This was good- a really good way to live. I just couldn’t see myself living it though- this life of normalcy and stability. I do think it is the right thing to do in a lot of aspects of your life- I really do. Sometimes, I wish I had done this- in this order- at the correct allotted time. But, I didn’t. Many of us didn’t, in fact, do things in this order, at the right time. We did things a little differently, in Gods timing, I guess.Doing things differently for me was pretty natural. I kind of just did what I wanted when I wanted with no approval from anyone. I am not saying this was right, it is just what I did. So, naturally when I wrote last week about some pretty deep stuff- I knew it was probably not the “right “ thing to do in some people’s books – but in my book that consisted of many, many color marks outside of the lines-it was a perfect fit.

Listen, I don’t just think up a bunch of crap and write it all down and publish it right away. That is not how I operate. I think that you should absolutely think things out before you speak. No question. Things that I write about I usually- pray …write…pray some more…edit….write some more and rewrite, pray then post. I have things written up for weeks or maybe months before they are ever posted- and some thing I don’t post- (only in my blog).

This post, last week, was very, very well thought out and planned for. It was funny because the day I posted – I was actually going to do a video on how to start up your own business and my video camera would NOT WORK. I tried for like an hour and it wouldn’t go- so I just sat there and thought- is this a sign. (Ps- the next day the camera worked fine…clearly was a sign)

After the posting ( I am referring to..High school was bull$%^# and so were my early 20’s—you can find it in my blog- but after this post I knew I would get some immediate feedback. Good hopefully and also bad. Right away people reached out to me – “thanks for being real”…”thanks for being honest” ….”I would have never guessed this about you.”….but with the love, came the hate.

“ I cannot believe that you would post such personal things—what would your mom think?” “How does Kevin feel about this?” “ I would NEVER want my life posted on Facebook like this- my husband would kill me.”—-I totally was shaken by this message at first. I was so shaken I almost took it down and deleted it right away. – but, first, I prayed. “God, if this is not right then why did you have me write it and share it?” “God, please give me a sign—should I take it down or keep it up?” and so he did—about one second later I had the most loving message from someone and I knew for a fact this helped this person in ways I never thought my little blog could help. So, I kept it up and shared it more!

I LOVE seeing people’s success on Facebook and I LOVE cheering them on and I LOVE LOVE peoples adorable kids and beautiful houses and vacations……but, I am just as guilty as the next person in thinking—Gosh, there life is so perfect—I look at the background of there selfies and see how gorgeous they decorate and there family pics- how cute they dress and how trendy their hair is and I think, Wow- I wish I was more like that- I wish I had that—I wish I was that talented- trendy- beautiful…..I wish my kids were that smart. I DO this sometimes– COMPARE lives…not always, but sometimes I do—I mean come on- we all do! That is ok to an extent—it gives you something to work for. But, sometimes its not healthy at ALL to compare—Sometimes I want to see someone….do I say it…Fail? Sometimes, I want to scroll and see someone post something really..real. Now, I know some of you do, so don’t get all pissy at me here. I know there is A LOT of truth in a lot of FB. I don’t think that everyone needs to be posting failures—not at all! Some people can’t or don’t want to- and that is TOTALLY ACCEPTABLE in every way. I totally get it—but if I have to post my failures and some of my slip ups in life to make someone else feel a little bit better—If I have to humiliate myself a bit to boost someone else’s confidence—then I will do it. That is that- I will. And, I guess I did.

The person who sent me the negative comments—I could totally say “I don’t care what others think, I am gonna just be me!!” But that is not how I feel at all. This person means A LOT to me and their approval means the world. I just hope that someday – people will see—I am not doing any of this for attention on me—I am doing it to help others know, when they feel alone and in a dark place- they are NOT alone, There is ALWAYS a way out—always. No matter what.

I have to say- I did ask Mom and Kevin what they thought of that post ..Kevin says “You are going to do what you want anyway- but I am proud of you!” Mom says—“when you become a rich and famous blogger can I quit my job?” — that is the plan ma, it always was.

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